This blog is no longer publishing new posts, but you can come follow me on my new blog: Erika From America!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

The End.


I've come to the conclusion that I can't continue with this blog. 


Maybe I saw it coming months and months ago, but I didn't know how to let go of it. And every time I tried to breathe new life into it, I ended up in the same place -- wanting to write but not knowing how to break out of my limiting mindset.

I love to write. I write everyday, even if I don't publish it here. But as therapeutic as writing for the self can be, there is something fun about connecting to others through writing and I don't want to give that up.

However, I also don't want my hobby to be myself anymore. Personal blogging has been transformative and helpful, but there also comes a time when you need blogging to be a bit of an escape. A way of getting some distance from your stuck thoughts and the things that hold you back. When your own personal growth becomes the subject matter and even the entertainment of your blog, it becomes hard to have a way of stepping back from that and just lightening up again.

I miss how I used to be. I used to be so happy, so sunny, so enthusiastic. I miss being more carefree and laughing more. I think this blog has helped me to work through a lot of things, but sometimes it's too personal. But because I'm the subject, not sharing those things I'm going through makes me feel like an imposter, like a phony. I figure, maybe my story will help someone else. And so sometimes, even against my better judgment, I share my fears as if they are reality. But they aren't -- they are only my perception, which is exacerbated by this overwhelming need to share my "truth" and shine a light on my flaws.

The truth of the matter is that I may always struggle with having confidence, I may always feel a little insecure, I may always feel a little lost. I may have no idea what I'm doing with my life sometimes and maybe I will make the same mistakes over and over. But what I don't want to do anymore is get stuck in ruts, get stuck in analyzing, get stuck in playing the same old stories over and over again.

It's second nature for me to come to this blog and write about my internal struggles. I don't even know how to be different when that text box appears.

And so, I need to close this chapter in order to begin a new one.


And a new one, I shall begin. Or, I already have. I have started a new blog that centers around a hobby I have always enjoyed: travel. Which is full circle in some ways, because that's what this blog started off being. I don't regret its transformation and I needed it for some time, but I have got to move on. This space has become too defined by some limiting habits I have and baggage that I unnecessarily carry around. And that ends here, in this space.

What I think I will love about focusing on something more "superficial" is that I'll feel more freedom to share deeper stuff when I want and not as the central focus of my blog. And sometimes, when I need to use my blog as a getaway and as a place to escape those limiting, debilitating fears, I can do that and still feel authentic and true to myself and its purpose.

So, I suppose this is good-bye, but only to the Chimerikal chapter of my life. I am leaving this blog and its archives up because I don't want to erase the past -- even if I want to let go of it -- and there truly is a lot of good stuff here. But it's also heavy stuff and it's holding me and my ability to create, grow, laugh, and love back. No more.

So, with that said, I hope I'll see you over at my new blog: 


Erika from America


Finally, in parting, I want to say one last thank you to all of you loyal readers who have become friends, who have been bright lights in dark times for me, who have reminded me that I'm not alone and that my fears and doubts are more human than anything else. I want to say thank you for believing in me, for encouraging me, for sticking with me, for everything. During one of the most confusing and lost times in my life, you held my hand and listened to my struggles. To have that is truly a gift and a blessing and I am so much better for it.

Au Revoir.


Revisit some of my favorite posts here + Learn about Teaching English in France here

32 comments:

  1. aww so sad to see this blog go, but i'm excited about your new adventures on your new blog. haha i love how your name rhymes. i also blogged about feeling insecure today. :) i think i do struggle with what to blog about or what direction i want to take it. i'm excited if you end up moving to LV. we can go on adventures together! :)

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  2. aww, thanks esther! i'm so glad for this blog and how it meant i got to meet you! and i'm about to hop over to your blog to read this post! (also, i'm glad you like the new name/place, haha!) and that would be totally amazing to go on adventures together!!!

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  3. I loved your blog but I am so with you on needing change, strangely I am currently in the process of opening a new blog too - only as a small wordpress blog right now but hopefully it work its way into being more.
    I am excited for you for the new blog and I can't wait to read it :) Be the you that you feel you want to be and be happy!
    x

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  4. www.nowherelife.comMarch 5, 2014 at 4:44 PM

    Oh gosh - after your post a couple of days ago I didn't see this coming! But I congratulate you on knowing your own limits and respecting what you need to do for yourself. That is so important. You are a beautiful soul whether you can see it or not and you will bring good into the world in whatever venue you choose to focus your energy - I am certain of this.


    Be well and take good care of yourself, my friend :) <3

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  5. Noooo...

    I was really sad to read this but I understand. Sometimes you just have to move on.

    Still, I wanted to tell you that you were a really big inspiration for me when I started blogging regularly. You are awesome and I look forward to reading about your adventures. Stay in touch!

    Hannah

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  6. I was a little surprised to see this post pop up on Bloglovin' but I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm also happy to see that you have a different blog, that way we can keep in touch! I'm looking forward to reading more about your travels. :)

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  7. So....when I first saw this pop up I was like ehhh??? And I saw your twitter handle change too so I was needing to sit down and read this. I'm glad that you aren't gone gone and that I can still connect with you on your NEW blog, which I'm sure is going to be awesome. I'm glad that you are taking the steps to make a space for yourself that is current with what you are doing and feeling, because nothing saps creativity more than when we put boundaries on ourselves.

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  8. Hey salut Erika!
    So sad to see Chimerikal go but happy to follow your new blog!

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  9. sorry to see you go :(
    but will be follwoing on the new blog as well ;)
    The LadyBug @ http://twistedredladybug.blogspot.com/

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  10. I wish you nothing but love, light and FUN in your newest endeavor, Erika! Knowing our own limitations and recognizing when something is holding us back can be a pretty amazing thing. Will definitely be following along with your new blog. xo

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  11. Awesomely Over-ZealousMarch 6, 2014 at 12:34 PM

    I can see how an extremely personal blog would create feelings of conflict after a while. I try to be cautious how I write because of that and write a lot about subjects that peak my interest in terms of learning so its not just about me. Great getting to know you through here, will be following you from your new blog - au revoir for now Erika! -Iva

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  12. Aw, thanks Em for your support! And best of luck on starting fresh, too! Sometimes that's all we need, isn't it? :)

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  13. Thanks, Onebreath. Yes, I didn't see it coming either but I realized that I needed to break out from some confining/restrictive ways I had set for myself. This place has meant a lot to me -- and your comments have been a large part of that -- but I also feel like it was, at this time in my life, holding me in one place when I was eager to move on. I didn't understand what that meant but it suddenly became so clear to me the other day. I still hope to share my personal journey -- and I'll hope you'll join me -- it'll just be through the lens of travel. :)

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  14. Hannah, what a touching comment. It seriously brings a tear to my eyes! This means a lot and I am so glad I could be an inspiration to someone... and I hope that that'll continue in some way, shape, or form. :)))))) Thank you for being a friend!

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  15. YAY! I already read your comments over there, but this one still makes me happy. I know, this seems out of the blue, right? But I think it was more of a feeling that's been building up in me for some time that I didn't know exactly how to deal with. Now that I've pinpointed it (at least in terms of the blogging world), I feel like I have a lot of clarity about how to proceed and how to go into this next chapter. I'm excited, but it's still a little sad to say good-bye to something that's been a big part of my life for a long time.

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  16. Thanks Crystal! Yeah, sometimes people just need an "environment" change at some point and the time has come for me. I think that this blog was a wonderful project for a certain stage of my life. I learned SO much about myself, blogging, and others while doing it and that made me so happy. But I also have learned from some of the missteps I took from here, some of the ways that this place didn't make me happy, and I think I have found a way to take all that I learned and pour it into a project that will give back to me as I give to it. So, nope, I'm not gone-gone, but there are definitely some things I'm letting go of. :)

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  17. Salut Mal! And I'm glad to have you following along, friend! :) YAY!

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  18. Thanks, Anda! Can't wait to see you over at the new blog! :)

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  19. Aw, Aimee! I really appreciate this! And I am wishing for all the same things, too! :)))))

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  20. I know you commented over at the new place, but I also wanted to respond to this comment and say: THANKS and your comment hits the nail on the head -- there were total feelings of conflict! But I'm setting some clearer boundaries with my new space, so hopefully that'll keep this being a project and labor of love, rather than existential crisis. :)

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  21. It's not an end, it's just evolution at work! Looking forward to following your adventures on your new blog!! Much love and best of luck!

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  22. Erika, I almost cried when I saw that you were saying goodbye to this blog (sorry to start off on a downer!) but it's been lovely to get to know you and then I was SO pleased to see you're continuing to blog over at your new home on the internet! It is such a tricky thing to do when you write such a personal blog, to determine where you draw the line with what you share. I hope that the new blog helps in a different way now. I'm excited to hear about your travels. You are such a inspiration to me and so supportive of other bloggers too. I hope that this is the turning point that you needed. Lots of Love, Sian Xx

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  23. Kelly! First off, let me apologize for my tardiness in addressing this beautiful, wonderful comment! I read it and it moved me so much; I wanted to make sure I took the time to adequately respond.


    This comment confirms for me why I set out on my endeavor with this blog and it also serves as affirmation. I'm so glad to be understood -- I'm so glad that you see what letting go of this meant at this stage of my life. And to have these words come from someone whose work I admire and love, well, it just means the world to me.


    Thank you so much for being a part of this journey, for being a friend and sharing your views. I'm so glad that you've decided to continue with your blog, too, because I enjoy it so much and you're an excellent writer. But thank you, seriously, from the bottom of my heart!

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  24. You got it! Constantly evolving... that's what us humans are supposed to do, right? ;)

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  25. Sian, wow, this comment has touched me so much! For several reasons, but... ah, it's like the warmest of internet hugs. I feel like I have been seen and embraced and your comments have always had that effect on me. Thank you for being such a loyal and supportive friend! And I can't wait to see you over at the other space! :)

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  26. Aww I'm so glad it was like the warmest of internet hugs, I didn't know my comments had that kind of effect! Absolutely no problem and look forward to following over on the other side! Xxx

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  27. This blog reflects life - things evolve, feeling change, reasons expand and new chapters are created - sad to read this, but totally understand it all. Good for you my love, I will be heading on over to your new blog.

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  28. This has been a long time coming. I know you've been struggling with this blog and how to handle it, what to share, etc. I just wanted to tell you I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of. As someone who wrote a tell-all memoir and oscillates between feeling incredibly brave and incredibly stupid (for sharing so much), I can only imagine how you feel doing something similar on the internet. I want to tell you nothing you've written is anything to cringe over. Sometimes we may look back and think we shared too much, that it was too personal, but there's a reason you chose to share it in the moment. I've had many, many people tell me how much they related to my book and how much it meant to them, how it's given them hope and courage, etc. and I know the same is true for Chimerikal because I've felt that way and from reading the comments I know others have as well. Vulnerability is how we connect and I applaud you for being vulnerable. It really is daring greatly (as I'm sure you're aware from reading Brene Brown's work) AND on a practical note, if you're looking to write online but have more privacy, that's possible at livejournal.com. Looking forward to reading the new blog! xoxo

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  29. Molly, you said it so well -- so eloquently. I definitely think it's time for a new chapter, but that doesn't mean it's not a little sad. See ya at Erika from America! :)

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  30. Rebekah -- I appreciate this comment so much and just that you get it and understand that push and pull of sharing. I definitely still want to open up and be vulnerable, but perhaps in different ways and on different avenues. Still, your word of encouragement here helps me as I close this chapter and begin a new one. Thanks for always being a bright spot of inspiration and understanding! :)

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  31. =) You're welcome!

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  32. I have fallen so far behind in blog reading that I hadn't even realized you'd made such a big blog move! I'm so sorry about that. I will absolutely be joining you over on your new site!


    I understand your decision to start fresh. Travel writing can be such a wonderful avenue to meet like-minded people and a great way to motivate yourself to seek out adventures, and I'm certain you'll still find room in that for self-discovery without having to get so up close and personal as you did here. :) I'm off to check out your "new-ish" space.

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I love comments and read and try to respond to all of them. I usually respond here on the blog in the comments! :)

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